This air seems extremely thin when i try to sort it out.
This goes there, no wait, it goes there.
What am i trying to do?
What is it i am trying to accomplish?
i am leaning towards You to hear your heart beat
creating a song for me to live by...
i see clearer, hear sharper, and breathe.
as i breathe you in, i can breathe me out.
You are my inspiration.
Thank You for flooding my thoughts :).
Cheers for family.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Summer Cold?
Ahhh breathe in the fresh summer air... well soon to be summer air... as of yesterday this breathing has been a tad difficult due to a summer cold, but tis all good b/c summer is here! Well the summer spirit is in the air.
Today Melwren and i hit up ikea kea kea kea and got to have an amazing conversation in the car ride. :)
While at ikea we both came to a conclusion, being in ikea feels like being in a computer. They have everything set up as if it was a screenshot and everything has labels. It's like you could roll the cursor over the the item and see all the information about it. An interesting feeling. Kind of strange.
[now scroll up back to the photographs... take some time to look at the pictures... it's kind of cool b/c everyone will have a different reaction. Check out the sweet grapefruit!!! Do you see the heart? :)]
to me they feel like summer days and summer nights :).
but anyways...
i can't wait to sit under the stars with the Lord. Have some peaceful times... relaxing... remember the scene from the Lion King when they look at the stars? i want to chill like that... those stars like glitter, given to us, we can look up and enjoy them... like little angel lights, makes me smile.
i love You.
phew, i'm exhausted.
cough.
latas beautiful people.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Bike to Richmond.
i tink i meeeean back to RVA.
haha.
creation. beautiful. it's beautiful.
i love biking, laying in grass, looking at the sky.
yup.
enjoyable.
i enjoy cooking, going to melwren's room and picking on her, eating tacos, seeing loboynton, galaxy diner, random times, pushing daisies (the show).
yum.
ready to cook some din din!
perhaps i'll cook for you one day!
" 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
[Psalm 51:10]
good stuff. yup. it's food for the soul!
haha.
creation. beautiful. it's beautiful.
i love biking, laying in grass, looking at the sky.
yup.
enjoyable.
i enjoy cooking, going to melwren's room and picking on her, eating tacos, seeing loboynton, galaxy diner, random times, pushing daisies (the show).
yum.
ready to cook some din din!
perhaps i'll cook for you one day!
" 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
[Psalm 51:10]
good stuff. yup. it's food for the soul!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Eyes.
This past week has been quite an experience. It's insane how you can have some of the best bonding times in times of struggles. And it's so true. The Lord has taught me so much during this time of waiting and experiencing the death of a loved one. i never knew what it would be like to wait to hear when someone would die, or at least someone i grew up with. It's a weird feeling, because you know there may be pain, and so it becomes a weird subject. On Tuesday of last week i was hanging out with some of my RVA family. We were going through Target being goobers and my mom called me. i just thought she was responding to the text i had sent her, a simple "i love you." haha, my first thought is she was just calling me so she didn't have to text back, ;) she's still getting down texting! hehe love you! but she actually called on a more serious note. One that brought a little blurred vision due to tearing up kind of call. My mom told me that my grandma (sykes) had only a few days to live. At first i just thought i would stay in RVA until i was to go home for a funeral. Selfish. That's what i was being. And i'm going to tell you, the Lord quickly spoke to me through a couple of my random friends, as well as throug some of my friends i've known for a while. Go home carra, go home. And so on Wednesday i took the 3.5 hour drive down to my hometown Greensboro to be with family. Like i've written in the last blog, i only told my mom and my brother...
fast forward to Mother's day (sunday May 10, 2009). i would have to say that this was probably the best mother's day we have experienced in so many years. My family held this joy that grandma sykes would have talked about in her laughter talks (she used to go around to churches and talk about this). i got to hang out with my brother, i got to see a different side of his heart which i totally admire. i got to hang out with my dad, we didn't banter at all. i got to hug my mom like crazy and just love on my family.
Eyes. You really can tell a lot about someone by their eyes. My family has beautiful eyes. i really got to witness this this past week. The Lord really has shown me a bunch about my family, you'd think you would know by growing up for 21 years with them, but you really do learn new things day by day. On Tuesday, May 12 i got to hang out with my friend JP from lunch until late on Tuesday night. i got a sweet insight to some people he really loves. Around 10ish i kept getting messages from my mom and bro and something was up, my heart kind of dropped a little, in a sigh sort of way, wondering what was going on... JP drove me back to Greensboro. My rentals had gotten word that my grandma was not doing well, like the kind of not doing well, which meant she really didn't have long to live. My mom and dad sped over to the home where my grandma was and then Drew and i followed after i quickly got home. We were blessed by Amanda's, my friend and now Drew's gf, presence.
You can't really prepare yourself for what we witnessed. As we walked into the room, my grandmother was breathing fast and heavy. Her aged heart wasn't supposed to take/support this type of breathing. i love her so much. i really do. i just looked at her and just words of love and just from the heart were coming to me, prayers, prayers and prayers and love and just my heart. i looked into her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, full of compassion, and now gazing straight ahead. i looked at her eyes and it made me wonder, i wondered if her eyes were stuck on the eyes of our Father. She was being called home and His gaze and her gaze were on each other. Over the time we were there my eyes shed tears. i'd say, pretty much every tear that fell was a different kind. There was saddness, there was joy of freedom, there was concern, there was compassion.
i looked at my dad and saw so much emotion. His eyes cared so much for his mother. It was a perspective that made me weep even more. And my mother, Jamie was like a mom to both my mom and dad. i've seen such an angel in her over these years taking care of grandma and visiting her. You know, keeping someone company even when they are leaving this world... means so much. Even when it's just sitting with them in silence, or encouraging them. It's amazing how the Lord blesses us through people. And Drew, i love my brother so much. We were there supporting each other. Tears came out, memories poured out, bonding, so much family bonding has happened in the past week. Thanks to the beautiful woman, Jamie Sykes. And i'm going to say it over and over again. Grandma, i love you. i love the life You have blessed us with. And it's really cool b/c today at the funeral the pastor said, "sister" and i realized, my grandma was my sister. And this made my heart smile.
At 12:07am Wednesday, May 13, 2009 Dad, Mom, Drew, Amanda, and I witnessed Jamie Sykes go home, where there is a freedom only she will know, until it is our time. It was something i never knew i would witness in life, it was hard, but it was beautiful at the same time. The peace in the room was overwhelming. i really felt His presence and comfort. As we left the room to let my dad have an alone time with his beautiful mother, i looked at the door. There hung a sign. A sign that had never had much meaning until now... the sign reads "Welcome, Jamie Sykes." This was a sign from the Lord letting me know, "your grandma got home safe and she's here with Me." My heart felt the comfort of the Lord. And i had a joyful moment knowing that grandma was dancing with the Lord. Beautiful.
There is only so much i can type out. The hearts here have seen a lot over the past week. There is much i have not written here, and that's okay, i just hope that this blog blesses your day. God i ask that this was not written in vain, i ask that it blesses those who read it... We have been put together as a family to support one another in love. Thank You Lord for sending me home. Thank You for this experience. And i raise my hat and heart to you grandma. God bless you. Thank you Lord.
fast forward to Mother's day (sunday May 10, 2009). i would have to say that this was probably the best mother's day we have experienced in so many years. My family held this joy that grandma sykes would have talked about in her laughter talks (she used to go around to churches and talk about this). i got to hang out with my brother, i got to see a different side of his heart which i totally admire. i got to hang out with my dad, we didn't banter at all. i got to hug my mom like crazy and just love on my family.
Eyes. You really can tell a lot about someone by their eyes. My family has beautiful eyes. i really got to witness this this past week. The Lord really has shown me a bunch about my family, you'd think you would know by growing up for 21 years with them, but you really do learn new things day by day. On Tuesday, May 12 i got to hang out with my friend JP from lunch until late on Tuesday night. i got a sweet insight to some people he really loves. Around 10ish i kept getting messages from my mom and bro and something was up, my heart kind of dropped a little, in a sigh sort of way, wondering what was going on... JP drove me back to Greensboro. My rentals had gotten word that my grandma was not doing well, like the kind of not doing well, which meant she really didn't have long to live. My mom and dad sped over to the home where my grandma was and then Drew and i followed after i quickly got home. We were blessed by Amanda's, my friend and now Drew's gf, presence.
You can't really prepare yourself for what we witnessed. As we walked into the room, my grandmother was breathing fast and heavy. Her aged heart wasn't supposed to take/support this type of breathing. i love her so much. i really do. i just looked at her and just words of love and just from the heart were coming to me, prayers, prayers and prayers and love and just my heart. i looked into her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, full of compassion, and now gazing straight ahead. i looked at her eyes and it made me wonder, i wondered if her eyes were stuck on the eyes of our Father. She was being called home and His gaze and her gaze were on each other. Over the time we were there my eyes shed tears. i'd say, pretty much every tear that fell was a different kind. There was saddness, there was joy of freedom, there was concern, there was compassion.
i looked at my dad and saw so much emotion. His eyes cared so much for his mother. It was a perspective that made me weep even more. And my mother, Jamie was like a mom to both my mom and dad. i've seen such an angel in her over these years taking care of grandma and visiting her. You know, keeping someone company even when they are leaving this world... means so much. Even when it's just sitting with them in silence, or encouraging them. It's amazing how the Lord blesses us through people. And Drew, i love my brother so much. We were there supporting each other. Tears came out, memories poured out, bonding, so much family bonding has happened in the past week. Thanks to the beautiful woman, Jamie Sykes. And i'm going to say it over and over again. Grandma, i love you. i love the life You have blessed us with. And it's really cool b/c today at the funeral the pastor said, "sister" and i realized, my grandma was my sister. And this made my heart smile.
At 12:07am Wednesday, May 13, 2009 Dad, Mom, Drew, Amanda, and I witnessed Jamie Sykes go home, where there is a freedom only she will know, until it is our time. It was something i never knew i would witness in life, it was hard, but it was beautiful at the same time. The peace in the room was overwhelming. i really felt His presence and comfort. As we left the room to let my dad have an alone time with his beautiful mother, i looked at the door. There hung a sign. A sign that had never had much meaning until now... the sign reads "Welcome, Jamie Sykes." This was a sign from the Lord letting me know, "your grandma got home safe and she's here with Me." My heart felt the comfort of the Lord. And i had a joyful moment knowing that grandma was dancing with the Lord. Beautiful.
There is only so much i can type out. The hearts here have seen a lot over the past week. There is much i have not written here, and that's okay, i just hope that this blog blesses your day. God i ask that this was not written in vain, i ask that it blesses those who read it... We have been put together as a family to support one another in love. Thank You Lord for sending me home. Thank You for this experience. And i raise my hat and heart to you grandma. God bless you. Thank you Lord.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Experienced.
over the past week i have experienced a lot.
i've got stories to tell.
got stories to remember.
and tomorrow, it's a new day.
a day to celebrate the life of Jamie Sykes.
a day to celebrate the life the Lord has blessed us with.
a day to smile and laugh at memories, and perhaps cry.
a day to wipe away tears and remember the joy.
a day to remember a life is now free.
a day to say, "my grandma was wonderful, and i want you to know this."
i love my family. we sure have taken a journey this past week.
a journey i will remember.
God bless you :).
God bless the Ramsey family. Y'all are in my prayers and Ben keep being a strong son. Bless y'all so so much. My heart is with y'all.
as i end my stay in the boro, i want to go back to rva with what i've gained here these past few days. i love my family so much. i am blessed to have them, we have become a support team for each other. cheers Lord for my strong, unique, goober, and much muc more, family :)!
i've got stories to tell.
got stories to remember.
and tomorrow, it's a new day.
a day to celebrate the life of Jamie Sykes.
a day to celebrate the life the Lord has blessed us with.
a day to smile and laugh at memories, and perhaps cry.
a day to wipe away tears and remember the joy.
a day to remember a life is now free.
a day to say, "my grandma was wonderful, and i want you to know this."
i love my family. we sure have taken a journey this past week.
a journey i will remember.
God bless you :).
God bless the Ramsey family. Y'all are in my prayers and Ben keep being a strong son. Bless y'all so so much. My heart is with y'all.
as i end my stay in the boro, i want to go back to rva with what i've gained here these past few days. i love my family so much. i am blessed to have them, we have become a support team for each other. cheers Lord for my strong, unique, goober, and much muc more, family :)!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Sitting At Five Fourty One.
i used to have this thing where i would put the time at the beginning and at the end of each journal writing i did... did this in Ireland all semester long. i would begin by writing the Irish time as well as the time back home so that i would know somewhat what my family would be up to... but yeah anyways haha.
As i sit on my couch and my feet placed nicely on the glass table in front of me my heart beats in a way i can feel it. i take a breath and here i am typing. Two days ago i drove back to Greensboro (the Boro) to be home with family. i had received a call from my mom that my grandma only had a few days to live, and even a "few" seemed like a generous number. The Lord spoke to me through a couple of people and so my journey began by leaving after a nice lunch with some of my RVA family. The drive home was it's usual pain-staking trying to stay awake drive, except this time i really felt the Lord's protection over my car, the drive was smooth, even if i felt super dooper tired. i had told my bro bro that i was coming home so someone knew i was on the road and then i told him he could tell the rents... my mom is awesome and didn't tell my dad so it would be a total surprise to him! (my grandmother is his mother)... i got home and she said the look on his face was great, i'd like to picture it as a subtitle as how his heart felt knowing i had come home for the family... but honestly i want to humble the situation. i want to give God all the GLORY! b/c really it was Him that got me out here...
Yesteray i experienced a new experience in life... one that i wouldn't want to put anyone through but one that taught me a lot through a really tough moment and moments. i told my mom that i really did need to see my grandma and she thought it was best. We left the house around 10:43 yesterday and headed to the place where my grandma lives. i was prepared, and talked to my heart before i entered... thinking, "oh, i wont cry..." and we all know that God has me in a crying season haha ;)... well here is how it all began:
The first word God gave me when i saw her little self was "beautiful." i couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful my grandmother was, at this moment... i give this all to the Lord because He gave me His eyes and heart for this time i was spending with my grandmother. "Beautiful." When most people would look and shutter at how weak and pitiful my grandma looked, God kept saying to me "look how beautiful she is." And of course what came next were tears that just kept falling... you try to turn off that faucet in order to bring yourself together but the tears just keep falling. Honestly it took me a while to get together enough to just speak to her without making her worried... my grandmother cannot speak, chew, or even really swallow now, but she can hear. And all i wanted to do was tell her how beautiful she is and how much the Lord has blessed me and my family with her life. Gah, she is so beautiful. i just sat there and looked into her eyes, telling her how much the Lord delights in her and i know she knew what i was saying... we kept our eyes on each other. She expressed a little through her eyebrows and there are some moments i'm going to keep to myself that i will forever cheerish. i am so blessed to have had come home to spend these hours with my grandma. i will never forget the moments we had, and i just pray, Lord, i pray for no pain. God for when there is pain in the night... JOY! comes in the morning!
Lord it's so exciting that she will be dancing with you and grandaddy soon! I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
family is a blessing.
i'm really learning to cherrish the moments we are given.
if you have prayer requests for your family please send me an email. i want to pray for them/you :)
love.
five fifty nine
As i sit on my couch and my feet placed nicely on the glass table in front of me my heart beats in a way i can feel it. i take a breath and here i am typing. Two days ago i drove back to Greensboro (the Boro) to be home with family. i had received a call from my mom that my grandma only had a few days to live, and even a "few" seemed like a generous number. The Lord spoke to me through a couple of people and so my journey began by leaving after a nice lunch with some of my RVA family. The drive home was it's usual pain-staking trying to stay awake drive, except this time i really felt the Lord's protection over my car, the drive was smooth, even if i felt super dooper tired. i had told my bro bro that i was coming home so someone knew i was on the road and then i told him he could tell the rents... my mom is awesome and didn't tell my dad so it would be a total surprise to him! (my grandmother is his mother)... i got home and she said the look on his face was great, i'd like to picture it as a subtitle as how his heart felt knowing i had come home for the family... but honestly i want to humble the situation. i want to give God all the GLORY! b/c really it was Him that got me out here...
Yesteray i experienced a new experience in life... one that i wouldn't want to put anyone through but one that taught me a lot through a really tough moment and moments. i told my mom that i really did need to see my grandma and she thought it was best. We left the house around 10:43 yesterday and headed to the place where my grandma lives. i was prepared, and talked to my heart before i entered... thinking, "oh, i wont cry..." and we all know that God has me in a crying season haha ;)... well here is how it all began:
The first word God gave me when i saw her little self was "beautiful." i couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful my grandmother was, at this moment... i give this all to the Lord because He gave me His eyes and heart for this time i was spending with my grandmother. "Beautiful." When most people would look and shutter at how weak and pitiful my grandma looked, God kept saying to me "look how beautiful she is." And of course what came next were tears that just kept falling... you try to turn off that faucet in order to bring yourself together but the tears just keep falling. Honestly it took me a while to get together enough to just speak to her without making her worried... my grandmother cannot speak, chew, or even really swallow now, but she can hear. And all i wanted to do was tell her how beautiful she is and how much the Lord has blessed me and my family with her life. Gah, she is so beautiful. i just sat there and looked into her eyes, telling her how much the Lord delights in her and i know she knew what i was saying... we kept our eyes on each other. She expressed a little through her eyebrows and there are some moments i'm going to keep to myself that i will forever cheerish. i am so blessed to have had come home to spend these hours with my grandma. i will never forget the moments we had, and i just pray, Lord, i pray for no pain. God for when there is pain in the night... JOY! comes in the morning!
Lord it's so exciting that she will be dancing with you and grandaddy soon! I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
family is a blessing.
i'm really learning to cherrish the moments we are given.
if you have prayer requests for your family please send me an email. i want to pray for them/you :)
love.
five fifty nine
Monday, May 4, 2009
Imagine a Montage of a Year But...
Not enough pictures to show it all... so basically i thought that this post would be dedicated to random photographs with beautiful people.
i went through my facebook pictures and was amazed at the memories of this past year flowing through my head to the point of excited exhaustion haha. i am amazed at how much we learn in a year... but even more so in an hour, a minute, a second. A DAY! ah it's crazy. and i'm thankful.
yup... oh yes, one more thing... these photographs you are about to view don't speak those 1000 words enough for the memories behind them as well as the memories that i'm not even posting or don't even have photographs to be the witness. praise the Lord for EVERYTHING.
i went through my facebook pictures and was amazed at the memories of this past year flowing through my head to the point of excited exhaustion haha. i am amazed at how much we learn in a year... but even more so in an hour, a minute, a second. A DAY! ah it's crazy. and i'm thankful.
yup... oh yes, one more thing... these photographs you are about to view don't speak those 1000 words enough for the memories behind them as well as the memories that i'm not even posting or don't even have photographs to be the witness. praise the Lord for EVERYTHING.
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