Sitting At Five Fourty One.

i used to have this thing where i would put the time at the beginning and at the end of each journal writing i did... did this in Ireland all semester long. i would begin by writing the Irish time as well as the time back home so that i would know somewhat what my family would be up to... but yeah anyways haha.

As i sit on my couch and my feet placed nicely on the glass table in front of me my heart beats in a way i can feel it. i take a breath and here i am typing. Two days ago i drove back to Greensboro (the Boro) to be home with family. i had received a call from my mom that my grandma only had a few days to live, and even a "few" seemed like a generous number. The Lord spoke to me through a couple of people and so my journey began by leaving after a nice lunch with some of my RVA family. The drive home was it's usual pain-staking trying to stay awake drive, except this time i really felt the Lord's protection over my car, the drive was smooth, even if i felt super dooper tired. i had told my bro bro that i was coming home so someone knew i was on the road and then i told him he could tell the rents... my mom is awesome and didn't tell my dad so it would be a total surprise to him! (my grandmother is his mother)... i got home and she said the look on his face was great, i'd like to picture it as a subtitle as how his heart felt knowing i had come home for the family... but honestly i want to humble the situation. i want to give God all the GLORY! b/c really it was Him that got me out here...

Yesteray i experienced a new experience in life... one that i wouldn't want to put anyone through but one that taught me a lot through a really tough moment and moments. i told my mom that i really did need to see my grandma and she thought it was best. We left the house around 10:43 yesterday and headed to the place where my grandma lives. i was prepared, and talked to my heart before i entered... thinking, "oh, i wont cry..." and we all know that God has me in a crying season haha ;)... well here is how it all began:

The first word God gave me when i saw her little self was "beautiful." i couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful my grandmother was, at this moment... i give this all to the Lord because He gave me His eyes and heart for this time i was spending with my grandmother. "Beautiful." When most people would look and shutter at how weak and pitiful my grandma looked, God kept saying to me "look how beautiful she is." And of course what came next were tears that just kept falling... you try to turn off that faucet in order to bring yourself together but the tears just keep falling. Honestly it took me a while to get together enough to just speak to her without making her worried... my grandmother cannot speak, chew, or even really swallow now, but she can hear. And all i wanted to do was tell her how beautiful she is and how much the Lord has blessed me and my family with her life. Gah, she is so beautiful. i just sat there and looked into her eyes, telling her how much the Lord delights in her and i know she knew what i was saying... we kept our eyes on each other. She expressed a little through her eyebrows and there are some moments i'm going to keep to myself that i will forever cheerish. i am so blessed to have had come home to spend these hours with my grandma. i will never forget the moments we had, and i just pray, Lord, i pray for no pain. God for when there is pain in the night... JOY! comes in the morning!

Lord it's so exciting that she will be dancing with you and grandaddy soon! I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
family is a blessing.
i'm really learning to cherrish the moments we are given.

if you have prayer requests for your family please send me an email. i want to pray for them/you :)

love.

five fifty nine