An Evening Before.

Today is October 1, 2009.
Tomorrow is October 2, 2009.

There will only be one October 1, 2009 and the sun has already packed up for the night. Sometimes this frightens me. Well, when i say frighten i really mean, what did i do with my day? Did i glorify God? Did i glorify myself? Was i indifferent? Did i avoid talking to people because of random anxiety?

Today...today was an interesting day. A day that almost felt surreal as each step was taken and each trip over a brick stumbled me. i haven't written a blog in a long time. i don't really have a 'tude against blogging, i have just been going through this semester without really any blog time. i find myself tonight, stuffed with a car(r)amel apple and sitting cross-legged on our covered couch. The lights are off. The roomies in their rooms. i'm sitting here feeling slightly empty. i'm hungry for more. i want more of You in my life. More of You moving, less of me. i have to stop and ask myself, why do i want certain things in this life here? Sometimes the business just pushes those questions behind and days just become a habit, and habits become these things that just stay with us... anyways. Today i got to talk to each of my family on the phone at separate times. My family, i thank God for my family. We may gibber jabber and jab at each other every now and then but at the heart of us, we are the Sykes. We love and appreciate what we each bring to our goober, but lovable family. We like to stand up for each other. We love to help each other across the street of life, when that hand is needed (and lead to do so) otherwise we are there cheering each other on... even when it seems silent. i don't know if i tell them enough, but i appreciate y'all so much. i thank God for bringing us together. i thank God for how i was raised and what i've been through. i thank God for a constant testimony and just what He has planned for us. Good news is coming.

Healing.

In less than an hour i get to wish my sister Shannon a happy birthday! Because we live on the east coast and she lives on the west... it will be her birthday here before there and i'm stoked i get to wish her a happy birthday over here a little early! YAY! <3>

So as i say au revoir to October 1, 2009, forever, i want to give a huge hug to the Lord. For without God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit i, carra sykes, am nothing but a hater. My life has changed, and i want to be steadfast, loving, compassionate, patient, head over heals in love with my maker. i want to be a part of the generation that rises up to take their place.

Praise the Lord " ⁴ who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion" (Psalm 103)

Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!

Sing it OUT!

Just giving Bryce Avary some mad props for singing it out!
(@ how it ends [invisible children] rally june 23, 2009)
invisible children

Hello, Again.

It has been about a month since i've attempted to write another blog. Sometimes i sit down and think i'm going to but then my words just don't seem like they are ready to be put into a blog.

i was thinking "the other day" about how beautiful our God is and how He brings us random heart smiles. Our God let's us have great memories of friends that can be sparked by something as simple as eating a piece of cotton candy and looking at the sky. We may not understand why that would make us remember a fond memory with someone but the heart remembers and often smiles. Memories of friends in the past, friends in the present, and friends who have been lost can make us feel so many emotions. We are human. We have emotions. And sometimes we try to cut this part of us off. Sometimes our surroundings tell us to be strong, but oh! how the Lord enjoys us being weak for Him.

He already knows what we miss, so why hide it from Him. Let Him know how you are feeling. Sometimes there seems to be a missing piece when a memory is remembered. Why is it a memory and not something i can relive? But i feel like God wants to fill those holes up with so much more. He allows us to have these memories, which is sweet, but He doesn't want us to have these memories to be sad of what we had, or are having and may not have in the future. It's just a little bit of creativity in our lives. Something special we are given. The holes of memories we wish to relive, or to have a moment in again can be filled by this incredible sensitivity the Lord has for us. The UPMOST and the HIGHEST is the definition of strength. But the Lord is also gentile and sensitive. How beautiful of a picture is created by this? i love it.

enjoy your summer day.
remember. :)
and also remember YOU ARE LOVED.
and eat some cotton candy and look towards the sky... haha just kidding.

but love.

(1)

i would walk out in the pouring rain just to hold Your hand.
just to breathe the same air as You and to become clean beside You.

Pouring Out.

i just got the strong urge to write.

so i am.

i just want you to know that YOU MATTER. YOUR STORY MATTERS. YOU ARE LOVED.

There are times where we find ourselves crying on a floor, exhausted about life. Questions are pouring out and you wish there was a button that could calm the soul and clear the mind for just a second. Why does this happen? How many more things can i do wrong? Why am i THE failure in my family? Where are my friends? Do i have friends? Why don't they like me, or better yet why don't they love me?

It hurts my heart so much to think that right now there are people planning on ending their lives. "2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment." "Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. (NIMH)" There are loved ones right now that are struggling so much through something, but feel too ashamed to tell anyone, too ashamed to share because there is that fear that lingers after a story is told. It hurts me that we are ashamed to share. i have been in places where i don't feel like anyone would ever want to listen to me so i bottle it all up inside hoping that the emotional explosion day never comes. Or they will listen and i will be forever condemned to be alone because of who i was or who i am or who i am becoming. It's cool because God is teaching me to be vulnerable day by day, but also someone who guards their heart. For the Bible says in (Proverbs 4:23):

²³ Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.

i am thankful because i have an identity in my life. This identity is through Jesus. This identity is growing everyday and when it doesn't grow i pray that i hunger for growth and closeness. i want His heart. i want His eyes. i want to be a genuine lover. GENUINE.

genuine |ˈjenyoōin|
adjective
truly what something is said to be; authentic
• (of a person, emotion, or action) sincere

i have been blessed in my life to have met so many people. i love this blessing, it brings me to tears, sometimes the good ones and sometimes the hurtful tears. i believe i was made to be a lover of people, but not with my own flesh. i was made to be a lover of people through the love of Christ. Christ's GENUINE love for people.

i was named carra, which minus one r means "friend" in irish... it means "beloved" in italian. i think i was given this name for a reason and i want to live my life for Him. i want to be His beloved and friend. :)

REMEMBER. YOU ARE LOVED. YOUR STORY MATTERS. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. these are not just words to write. These are words to remember, these are words to remind yourself. i pray that next time your heart feels broken, your heart will be lifted up and that you will remember that you are loved... and i pray for joy to break the chains that bring you down. Bless you. Bless bless bless you.

In Jesus' name.
Amen.

Alone at 9:35 on a Saturday.

My music heard by humans cannot be appreciated fully except by Your ears.

i love that.

singing loud. guitaring loud. but still i feel lonely tonight and can't figure out why...

Lord how can i feel lonely when You fill every room i am in, when You step every step with me, when You whisper beautiful words of how You delight in me.

but sometimes i do feel lonely... and i apologize for this... i apologize for ignoring Your presence. i apologize for longing for others to fill this void, that doesn't even exist!!! The enemy likes to preach to me and tell me that there is a void, a void in my life. Well that void in my life is only when i don't run to You for EVERYTHING. And when i mean everything, Father, i mean the GOOD, THE BAD, THE EXISTING MOMENTS.

i repent for longing for others.

God prepare me for what is to come. Arm me for the battle. Make me hunger for You... ONLY YOU!

In Jesus' name. amen.

Fill those who are feeling lonely tonight, Father, fill them with joy that can't be explained in words.

9:42

Sunsets.

A gift from God.

Sunsets are gorgeous. It's like God wants to give us a pleasant memory to go to sleep by... kind of like a good night and a hug from Him. i love sunsets. i love spending time by myself under them, but even more so, being able to enjoy them with others. i didn't watch the sun set tonight but it was put on my heart... and i smiled as a result of it.

cheers.

hope your hearts are smiling tonight.

YOU ARE LOVED.
remember this.